Proposition 1: It is an exciting, fast-moving time
Proposition 2: Stress comes not so much from the planning than from the competition
Proposition 3: Brides-to-be are side-tracked by one another
Proposition1
Once engaged and phone calls spreading the news are made, it becomes quickly apparent that one question, "Will you marry me?" sparks hundreds of questions, "When are you getting married?" "Have you found a dress?" "How many guests are you having?" "Have you picked out this or that?" Instead of taking a moment and enjoying the new step forward, we stand knees bent, arms swing front to back, ready to leap to the finish line....the aisle. Did you have your Fiance's hand for that jump? Well? At least in the midst of this chaos of voices, there are quiet minutes to get lost in the sparkle of the engagement ring and to look into the eyes of your soon-to-be husband. Yet, no one slows the planning down, because the frenzy of excitement is contagious as friends feed into the mania of wedding planning.
Engaged for one month and the mania shifts. From your wedding front and center, to the sharing of friends wedding ideas with you. "Well now that your wedding is under-way let me tell you about the ideas for mine...." Are you engaged? A subtle competition builds...friendly competition of course.
Proposition 2:
The knot.com is a cult. Eager, bright-eyes, and fresh-faced brides-to-be flock to the website for ideas, checklists, pictures, style guides, and a multitude of unnecessary and seemingly necessary advice and must-dos. It is a forum for sharing and caring and encouraging one another or is it....
Competition among friends is something most of us can handle, but competition among anonymous snarky brides? Once wadded into the pool of wedding planning and feeling more sure of oneself, it feels like time share your wedding finds, ideas, and what you think are "totally unique" moments from your upcoming wedding with your cohorts.
The wedding boards are a dangerous place. While the overall feel is friendliness there are some boards more treacherous than others. Attire and Accessories is a safe place. Here brides come to play verbal dress up. Each talks about their perfect dress and perfect veil, and how excited they are that their wedding will be the most memorable experience that any of their guests will ever have. Sharing ideas is sweet here. Move down the page to Budget Weddings, and the competition and stress levels reach an unprecedented fever-pitch. A warning should be posted at the top: Enter at your own risk. Dare you share an idea that another does not like, and the Alpha dog in her will piss on you. If the sting is not blinding, you may try to again voice your opinion on: late-night snacks, flowers, favors, etc. but the chain turns into a muck of snide comments. Isn't this suppose to be a happy time? Wasn't this board suppose to encourage bliss and joy? Now brides are second-guessing their decisions.
Small wedding brides turn into big wedding brides, non-traditional turn traditional, and buffet style questions if a sit down is more proper? What happened to the bride and groom's original vision? Why has the "maniac Bridal Brain" taken the reins? Here lies the root of stress....conflict with the anonymous bride upon whom we measure ourselves, vision, and wedding experience.
Proposition 3
Side-tracking is inevitable once the Pandora's Box of doubt and second-guessing is opened.
Yet, somehow despite all of this weird bridal brain stuff, the wedding happens, it will be beautiful, the choices made will have been perfect, and then all of that wedding stuff will never again matter. Unless one stays on those blasted wedding boards or finds oneself sucked into TLC's "Four Weddings" program.
In the end, the engagement is the sweetest part and what needs to be protected the most from the wedding-day planning. It should pass the rocking chair test: When you are old and on your rocking chair, will you have fond memories of your blissful, carefree, romantic engagement? Or, will it have been forgotten in a cloud of post-traumatic stress.
To love!
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