Be Kind & Drink Wine

Yesterday and today have been funny days.  Parent-teacher conferences are a bizarre ritual and dance in which both parties desire to be understood, to be heard, and most importantly not to be judged.  The teacher sits there with a perceived authority on matters. Yet, I am a work in progress myself.  Never did I think that this occupation was that of a judge.  But, today, as with yesterday, my role is murky.  There is all of this data.  From papers, to projects, to presentations, to effort, to observations, to anxiety level, to work ethic that I have collected like a scientist. Sitting at the end of a long desk waiting to deliver my diagnosis, I wait for the parents to come in.

Sometimes in sets of two, sometimes just one, they enter the classroom and lose 20-30 years of their own identity.  Instead of two adults meeting, at times, it seems like they revert to their own high school identity.  The anxieties from their experiences bubble up to the surface.  Sitting across from each other is always an awkward start. But, thankfully this is not my first year.  I am no longer that scared, nervous, sweating, heart-racing teacher who feels a panic attack cut off my throat with every new set of parents.  I have learned a valuable lesson in my short three years: Be Kind. 

Both of us are extremely vulnerable.  I am baring open my oftentimes private class to the eyes of these parents. Am I doing a good job?  Am I reaching their child?  Do they believe in me as the teacher? And, they, not even thinking about my fears, doubts, and worries, ponder: Does this person care about my child?  Does she understand my child? Does she realize that this child is an extension of myself and to which I have placed all of my love and hopes for the future?  While I don't have children of my own,  each year, I only learn more how important these young men and women are more and more to their parents, their community...and me.

I try in every meeting to be kind to the parents and to be kind to the students during the term they are in my class. Is it a perfect system...no. But, every now and then a parent comes in who is totally focused on how the emotional health of their child is playing out and I know that kindness and support are more important to the success of their child than knowing any date(s) in History.  If a student feels supported, feels kindness, and is genuinely challenged based on their needs, I really do believe they will do well and grow as an individual learner.  It is so hard setting standards for letter grades then, and grading becomes harder and harder every year for me.  I do not like the judgement role I oftentimes am forced to take as a teacher.  I prefer the experiences in the classroom far more. 

Perhaps that is why these two days are particularly draining and challenging for me. I want every message home to be: You are able to do this.  I don't know yet in my own personal development as an educator if I am doing this well. The anxiety of perfection and seeking approval is still very much a part of my experience. I can only imagine how much so it is for my students. But, I am trying to listen well, do good work, and be kind along the way.  Hopefully this outlook will bring not only success to me but to my students. And this will hopefully put their parents at ease too.

With only 3 more parents to go, I am beginning to feel relief.  Just a few short hours until I can finally unwind.  At least the tension in my neck has stayed away.  Perhaps this is a sign of personal growth. And, tonight I am happy to have a glass of wine after these long, reflective, and quirky days....